See I guess I was being in a way selfish because I thought my dad really didn't care about my journey in life or didn't believe me. He never seemed interested to go to the luncheons that I was invited to with the Sisters or even go to my initiations. Lately he hasn't really talked to me or even really looked at me. I took it as well maybe he doesn't really care and it bothered me a little bit but not to the point that I was going to make a big deal about it.
It had been agreed upon that I would give my cats away to other people and my mom would only keep Pablo and Diego. Well Luna my black cat is the hardest to find a home for because she doesn't cuddle, she doesn't want to be around, she just really doesn't like people. I thought my cousin was going to take her and I was okay with that because Luna knew her and she knew Luna's personality. Then on the week I found out I was hired and had to get everything situated she called to tell me that she couldn't take her after all.
Well I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to have her put down, which I thought I may have to do because my mom didn't want to keep her and no one seems to understand that not all cats are the same. So I asked my grandma's provider if she would take her, after all she is an animal lover as well.
I bought Luna a food & water bowl, some food, a litter box, litter and a scooper and gave them all to her new owner. Luna heard the sound of the cat carrier opening and ran and hid, I had no idea where she was so I told the lady that I would have to catch her at a later time because she hid. She told me well of course because she knew what was going to happen and that all of my cats were going to die after I left and that my uncle said they were going to have a big cat burial.
I guess it is too close to the day that I am leaving and I am just not prepared to hear things like that so I got upset. I tried to hide my feelings and went to the bathroom. Little did I know that my dad had been watching me.
He stuck up for me and started telling the lady that she need not be telling me things like that and especially not right now. That I didn't need to get upset and now I'm in the room crying (he didn't know I went to the restroom not my room) and it was unnecessary. Well the lady started to feel bad and my mom told him to leave her alone so then he told her that it was all true what he was saying and that she needs to learn when to say things and when not to and now isn't the time.
I didnt hear any of this, my mom told me later. We were going to go to Houston to pick up my cousins that flew in from Mexico so my uncle called me into the other room to explain the directions. Well I was inconsolable. I wasn't crying anymore just because of my cats, but I think that it was the stone that brought down the water dam. I just couldn't control myself. I was crying yes because I knew that there was a possibility my cats would die of sadness but also because I'm leaving my life here. I'm leaving my grandma while she's sick. I'm leaving my mom who is sick every other week. It just all came together at one time.
Finally my uncle asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. I said I had no doubt that this was for me. I absolutly know that God is calling me, but it's still sad. I asked my mom didn't she cry when she got married. Then I realized that wasn't a good comparison cuz when she got married w/her first husband she cried because she didn't want to get married. That is not the case with me. But still when people get married, they are happy but sad at the same time they are a little sad and maybe I just needed to get this crying stage over with.
Then my mom told me the most unexpected thing ever. She said well I was thinking of keeping all your cats. Then my uncle said that the cats aren't going anywhere they are staying there. Then my dad comes in and asks what we are talking about (at this time I still didn't know he got after Guelite's provider) Mom asked him if he thought it was okay to keep the cats and he said that well where else were they suppose to go?
Well then I cried all the way to Houston cuz I couldn't believe that my family would make that sacrifice for me. I mean I know my dad does not like a lot of animals and was looking forward to getting rid of at least two of the cats, and now they are keeping all of them. I couldn't be happier because even though it's not me, they know the house and they know my family. They may be sad but at least not stressed too.
I think that was another way that Jesus was telling me everything was going to be okay. He knows I'm going to be a little sad but he made me not be stressed either. Thinking about Luna and Strawberry would have always been on my mind. All their life they have been together and then with Pablo and Diego. It took them a couple of months to get used to my family b/c I got them when I had moved out, and then they were going to be in a new house with people they didn't really see every day. Strawberry would have been with my sister, Maggie, but Luna doesn't like Guelite's provider and doesn't even like being in the same room with her. Now I don't have that to think about and am comforted by it. I'm comforted because Jesus comforted me. Thank you, Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment