Parting is such sweet sorrow.... But now it begins

Well Friday was my last day at work and I was a little sad about it, but the Tribune did me well. They took me out to eat on Thursday to Riverbend in Matagorda and I am sorry to say I never ate there before and who knows when I will eat there again. The food was good and the company was great. I had a real great time. But they also gave me a really pretty painting to take with me. It was beautiful and the message on it was just perfect. Here it is hanging in my new room.

I hung it up right across from my bed so I can see it every night before I go to bed and every morning when I get up and boy can I tell you it's hard to get up in the morning!

So I was sad when I left the Tribune and I was excited at the same time. Then on Friday my family took me to eat a La Casona. But then as soon as they found out we had a party of 16, it became this big ol issue. They were all attitude with us and my mom tried to explain how she called ahead and they told her there was no problem bringing a group that size to come and eat. They treated us like they didn't want our service and my mom was so mad that I felt like she was gonna blow up. So I told her to call K-2 who if they have the room will be more than willing to set the table aside. She called them and yes they had the room and told us it would be ready in 5 minutes so we got up and left. Soon after a waitress (not the one that was suppose to sit us) came running after us to tell us that they now had our table ready. Turned out they had it ready but the waitress didn't want to sit us yet for who knows what reason. So they lost 16 customers and we went to K-2 who I can truly say had the most wonderful waiter and he treated us like he really wanted us there. Now we were a lil bit squished but the way he provided us service, well we easily overlooked that.

The next morning I woke up and had to give Pablo and Diego a long goodbye. :'( I'm really sad about them because they really looked like they knew what was going on. I hugged them and yes I cried. Don't judge me! Anyway the only one that woke up to tell me bye was my dad. I told him I was leaving and he said to be careful, but he never looked at me. Then I was gone. I didn't leave Bay City right away because my friend Esther Solis wanted to have breakfast with me and Susie joined us too. It was nice and it also helped get the sad thoughts away from my mind. After breakfast I was off to Victoria. I was a little sad but I was running late so I didn't have time to really think about it.

So I got here and I still didn't have time to really think about living here because we had a retreat and the retreat was really good. I learned a few different ways to pray one being imaginative prayer which is really interesting and I think is now my favorite even though I fall asleep during it. Still I think it's an awesome way to pray.

I'm getting used to this new house even though I still feel like I'm gonna get lost in here. It is the biggest house I have ever lived in. Anyway, here are some pictures of the house and different statues and art.

Mother Jean de Matel, IWBS foundress.

This is my dining room. It so humongous. You see the sisters reading the paper on the far right?

 

This is part of my new backyard. Sometimes the deer come out to play. I also heard that sometimes the skunks come out too. I just never want to see a snake. I saw a dead one a few months back and well that was enough to last me a life time.

 

This is my new home.

This is the front, the chapel is in here.

Yet a closer picture.

These are the outdoor stations of the cross that they have recently added. There are benches out here which I have already fallen asleep on. Again, do not judge me for that!

Close up of one of the stations.

Beautiful image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Here is the Incarnate Word.

The Blessed Mother.

I like this cross with the many different hands.

I absolutly love this picture of the baptism of Jesus. You see the dove? Much more accurate than the movie The Bible's version of the baptism of Jesus.

 

This is something we are doing for fun. It's Noah's Ark and it's 1,000 pieces. Cooky! Where are you? Let's just say it's taking us longer than expected.

 

Anyway I am having to adjust to having to get up so early in the morning. What happened to sleeping in? I have to be up in time to get ready for prayers at 6:05 a.m., then we have Mass and then we have breakfast.

 

Monday I started my new job at the WIC office. I will tell you the people there seem really nice and they really want to help the people that walk into the door. The first day was mostly orientation. The second day again mostly videos (which I fell asleep thru each one....Don't judge me again) and then they were discussing the phone system. All of that flew over my head and I came back in a bad mood because I never thought I would understand anything and I was so tired. But today was much better. Everything started to make sense and I fell the "ganas" to try it. Bad thing is.... They told me that the training has always lasted two weeks for the people that catch on quickly, they want to release me like Monday. That is not two weeks, that a few days! They say it's because I'm smart, okay but I'm not Albert Einstein, I feel like I need more than 2 days!

 

So yeah, I know this blog is much later than I had initially thought about posting it, but I'm still trying to get used to the schedule here and my time, besides I needs to get my sleep on and that means going to bed much earlier than before. I am also having to get used to my job schedule b/c 30 minutes for lunch never felt so short as it does now. But I am so happy to say that the sisters have given me the hook up when it comes to taking my own lunch. I still have to get used to the fact that I don't know where anything is here in Victoria and that I don't know anyone. I feel at times like I will turn around and see my family or friends and realize that they are really still an hour away.

I found this at the Convent and I thought it was beautiful. It's perfect for anyone feeling a little down.

 

It is hard when it comes to trying to talk to my family and friends back home, because I don't have as much time as I used to. I text them and they don't text back till I'm asleep. The other day our skype wouldn't work and I couldn't skype with Mom. I don't have time to call them like before and well after 8 p.m. here at the Mother House we are all suppose to be quiet so that kind of cuts out phone calls. From 8 to 9 is really the only time I can do things and when people don't get back to me, well I miss out talking to them. They too need to understand that I'm not as available as I was before.

 

Well it is past my time to go to bed. So I needs to get going. Hope to have other blogs up....soon. 

I just got humbled

Well today I will use Susie's favorite phrase and say that yesterday I was truly humbled.

See I guess I was being in a way selfish because I thought my dad really didn't  care about my journey in life or didn't believe me. He never seemed interested to go to the luncheons that I was invited to with the Sisters or even go to my initiations. Lately he hasn't really talked to me or even really looked at me. I took it as well maybe he doesn't really care and it bothered me a little bit but not to the point that I was going to make a big deal about it.

It had been agreed upon that I would give my cats away to other people and my mom would only keep Pablo and Diego. Well Luna my black cat is the hardest to find a home for because she doesn't cuddle, she doesn't want to be around, she just really doesn't like people. I thought my cousin was going to take her and I was okay with that because Luna knew her and she knew Luna's personality. Then on the week I found out I was hired and had to get everything situated she called to tell me that she couldn't take her after all.

Well I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to have her put down, which I thought I may have to do because my mom didn't want to keep her and no one seems to understand that not all cats are the same. So I asked my grandma's provider if she would take her, after all she is an animal lover as well.

I bought Luna a food & water bowl, some food, a litter box, litter and a scooper and gave them all to her new owner. Luna heard the sound of the cat carrier opening and ran and hid, I had no idea where she was so I told the lady that I would have to catch her at a later time because  she hid. She told me well of course because she knew what was going to happen and that all of my cats were going to die after I left and that my uncle said they were going to have a big cat burial.

I guess it is too close to the day that I am leaving and I am just not prepared to hear things like that so I got upset. I tried to hide my feelings and went to the bathroom. Little did I know that my dad had been watching me.

He stuck up for me and started telling the lady that she need not be telling me things like that and especially not right now. That I didn't need to get upset and now I'm in the room crying (he didn't know I went to the restroom not my room) and it was unnecessary. Well the lady started to feel bad and my mom told him to leave her alone so then he told her that it was all true what he was saying and that she needs to learn when to say things and when not to and now isn't the time.

I didnt hear any of this, my mom told me later. We were going to go to Houston to pick up my cousins that flew in from Mexico so my uncle called me into the other room to explain the directions. Well I was inconsolable. I wasn't crying anymore just because of my cats, but I think that it was the stone that brought down the water dam. I just couldn't control myself. I was crying yes because I knew that there was a possibility my cats would die of sadness but also because I'm leaving my life here. I'm leaving my grandma while she's sick. I'm leaving my mom who is sick every other week. It just all came together at one time.

Finally my uncle asked me if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. I said I had no doubt that this was for me. I absolutly know that God is calling me, but it's still sad. I asked my mom didn't she cry when she got married. Then I realized that wasn't a good comparison cuz when she got married w/her first husband she cried because she didn't want to get married. That is not the case with me. But still when people get married, they are happy but sad at the same time they are a little sad and maybe I just needed to get this crying stage over with.

Then my mom told me the most unexpected thing ever. She said well I was thinking of keeping all your cats. Then my uncle said that the cats aren't going anywhere they are staying there. Then my dad comes in and asks what we are talking about (at this time I still didn't know he got after Guelite's provider) Mom asked him if he thought it was okay to keep the cats and he said that well where else were they suppose to go?

Well then I cried all the way to Houston cuz I couldn't believe that my family would make that sacrifice for me. I mean I know my dad does not like a lot of animals and was looking forward to getting rid of at least two of the cats, and now they are keeping all of them. I couldn't be happier because even though it's not me, they know the house and they know my family. They may be sad but at least not stressed too.

So yes I was humbled. Humbled because I thought something about my dad that was so not true. Though he not show me any emotion or talks to me he was still there looking out for me.

I think that was another way that Jesus was telling me everything was going to be okay. He knows I'm going to be a little sad but he made me not be stressed either. Thinking about Luna and Strawberry would have always been on my mind. All their life they have been together and then with Pablo and Diego. It took them a couple of months to get used to my family b/c I got them when I had moved out, and then they were going to be in a new house with people they didn't really see every day. Strawberry would have been with my sister, Maggie, but Luna doesn't like Guelite's provider and doesn't even like being in the same room with her. Now I don't have that to think about and am comforted by it. I'm comforted because Jesus comforted me. Thank you, Jesus.

Taking another step up

 For quite some time God has been calling me to religious life. For as long as I can remember actually but I got the strong urge to follow up on it in 2004. Then life got in the way and I stepped away from religious life - I think I was scared. Scared of change. Scared of spiritual warfare. Scared of leaving my home. Scared of getting into something that I really didn't know too much about. 

Then about two years ago I got the feeling again, but this time it came stronger than ever. No longer did I need a crutch to go visit other communities nor did I feel scared to pursue this lifestyle. Maybe it's because I matured in my way of thinking and my spirituality that I was able to walk with faith that I was no longer scared. Nervous yes, scared no. 

I got the courage to reach out to people and ask for help to go to retreats where I know I don't drive (Houston). And got the courage to reach out to unknown territories with the trust that the Lord will help me if that is where He wanted me. 

I listened to Him when He told me to start looking for employment in Victoria even though I had thought I would not be moving until the ends of May. Yet I applied to two different jobs and ended up getting one. What is funny about this job is that I applied and didn't think I would get the job being that they didn't call me when the posting closed. I also didn't think I had a good possibility being that I would have the job because I would be there only temporarily, if I kept going the way I was going, in about three years I would be a novice with the Incarnate Word and Blessed Sacrament sisters and as a Novice I can no longer work. 

Yet it turned out that I always had the job. I was the top candidate since the start and the other applicants didn't even come close. (These are their words, not mine. I'm not that conceited, I actually thought I had some tough competition!) But the Lord had told me to apply at the time that I did because that was the job He had chosen for me, there is no other explanation in my mind for it. 

  So now I have to get everything ready to move to Victoria. I should start my new job the 15th of this month. I can't believe that it's happening and I'm still a little nervous about it but I am not scared. I feel like all is going to be okay. I really hate the fact that I have to leave my family and friends but I know that I'm doing the right thing. It really really breaks my heart to leave my cats. They have been my best friends for five years. I know they are going to miss me and I will miss them terribly. 

It's also very coincidental that all this is happening right after Lent. The reason I say this is because what gave me courage back in 2004 to go out and look for religious communities was watching The Passion of the Christ. I have always been drawn to the Suffering Christ and Our Lady of Sorrows, always wanting to have been there to comfort them at least a little bit during their darkest hour, so Lent has always been very special to me because that is the season we walk with Jesus in a closer deeper level. 

See Jesus knew that His journey was going to be hard and that He would suffer but He still did it because He loved us so much. I feel that I may be sad, this journey may be long and hard and maybe I'll suffer (not anything compared to what Jesus suffered) but I love Him enough to do it. I believe He knows that I am strong enough to handle this journey otherwise He wouldn't have kept calling me. So yes I will give up what is of this world and follow Jesus, even if that includes my cats. 

I also have much faith in the Blessed Mother. One thing I remember a lot in the movie The Passion of the Christ was her willingness to try to comfort others even though her heart was breaking into many little pieces. Or as it was predicted, it was as if a sword was piercing her heart. If Mary would comfort other's during her most heartbreaking moment, then she will be there as a comfort for me when I need her to be. 

Near the end of the movie, when Mary held Jesus I remember her looking out toward all of us as she held Him with a look that said, "Look what He did for you, what will you do for Him?" I never had an answer for her. I thought maybe by volunteering so much in my parish would be considered enough even though I knew He was calling me to something greater. Now that I am in the process of doing God's will not only His works, I can look back at Mary in this image and say, "I know, I understand, I'm coming to help."


Still to say that I'm not going to struggle is a lie, I know I am. The closer you try to get to God, the harder the road gets. Everything seems to fall all around you and everyone tries to bring you down. The devil works hard to make sure God's army is not as strong as he thinks his is, but I know that if he tries hard to stop someone from doing God's will it's because God has a special task for them. 

But I know that I have help. I rely on Blessed Mother because I know she is willing to help me. And I trust in the Lord, I know He wants this for me. 

I know that it's going to be hard too because I may trust in the Lord to handle my life and to get me where He wants me, I have trouble giving myself fully over to Him. I want to hold on to that final little piece of me for some reason. I guess so I will have a little bit of me to fall back on in case for some reason I need to. I have trouble allowing the Holy Spirit to come over me and let myself rest in the spirit. Several times I felt it coming and I pushed Him away. I am a little scared of letting go completely but I guess if I didn't have anything to work on I would already be in Heaven. 

So yes I have taken another step to get to where Jesus wants me, I know I still got a long way up the staircase but as long as I'm moving toward the top, I know I will get there eventually.